I learned a lot running the BC Law 5k last spring. I learned a lot during my 1L year. What I did not expect was how my 2L year and my ongoing 5k training would mirror each other. Last year, I simply celebrated finishing the 5k. Everyone tells you “you just need to finish 1L.” 2L is a new task. Not just finish, but improve and develop.
This year, I pivoted my classes to federal income taxation, secured transactions, banking regulation, and business law research. I added an externship in the spring on top of a heavy dose of corporations and corporate income tax. I refined my studying and learned how to read a code like the Uniform Commercial Code and the Internal Revenue Code. I built upon my 1L foundational skills and explored new areas at the same time.
My training began to morph as well. My cardiovascular health was better, but if I wanted to improve my 5k time, I had to build muscle. Over the summer, I hit the gym on weekends, alternating between lower and upper body cable machine work. I would finish each session with at least fifteen minutes of the stairmaster or a mile run. Improvement was slow, only in five second clips, but it was progress. I kept a pinned note of all my reps and documented my progress on my phone.
Around October, I made a breakthrough. My ten minute mile plummeted to a 9:35. I incorporated a core workout on my yoga mat for nights when the BC undergrads would swarm all the cable machines. I noticed results in other ways. While the numbers on the scale or machines didn’t always shift, I began to see the veins in my hands and upper wrists. I kept upping the weight. I kept showing up. In December, I hit a 9:19 mile. March saw 9:10.
My studies showed similar progress. I declared for the tax concentration around winter break. In April, at my externship, I argued my first ever motion in front of the Appellate Tax Board on behalf of the Commissioner of Revenue. I secured my 2L summer job and made plans for the MPRE in August. Everything was slowly coming together. It felt less and less that I was faking being an attorney. Much like how the taste of blood faded from my mouth as I got better at running, my words in front of the Chairman of the Appellate Tax Board flowed rather than speeding through it like my 1L Law Practice class opening statement.
What I kept reminding myself in both the classroom and the gym is not to doubt my own power. Believing in yourself sounds corny, but think of it this way instead. Viewing yourself through a negative, limited lens is harmful if you keep repeating the same story. If you tell yourself you cannot do something enough times, that story takes root (see Ryland Grace from Project Hail Mary and his near-crippling self doubt). I told myself for years I was not a distance runner. Plenty of people, especially women, tell themselves they cannot lift weights. Some people are convinced they are not cut out for oral argument. Eventually, we ideally acknowledge the fear that underlies the doubt, but then we let it go. It is uncomfortable, much like how your body reacts after leg day. But it is a necessary process for you to grow as a person.
Believing in yourself means seeing what you achieved and what you overcame, and taking that experience as reassurance that you can achieve so much more. Use that success to combat the fear when it comes to the surface. Throughout the year, I kept choosing the positive, even when the doubt and negative thoughts pushed back. I would acknowledge those fears, let myself cry if I had to, but I would let them go. Speaking up against fear is scary, but not when you know the facts, and especially when the facts are on your side.
The day of the 5k came. I remember looking at my hands as I set my playlist up before the start. Seeing the blue and green currents under my skin, I kept repeating one thought.
“You are this strong.”
My mother told me this the first day of my Senate press internship in undergrad, when I was wrought with imposter syndrome. Since then, it is a thought I keep on a Post-It note above my desk, next to a neighboring Post-It that has the Litany Against Fear from Dune on it.
With that, I took off. My playlist buzzed in my head and through my body as I worked my way down Mill Street. I kept the positive flow through my brain. The miles started blurring together again, so much so that I almost mistook the fallen cherry blossom petals for ice melt. I reached Cabot street, the course’s mini “Heartbreak Hill.” I knew this was the hard part, but I would not let my fear govern my body. I kept moving, kept breathing, watching as the veins in my hands pulsed in the emerging Newton sun. My core felt stronger, not aching like last year. The hill crested and I tried to dig deep, looking for any energy left for a last sprint. It wasn’t much, but right when I turned towards the law school, I lit the fuse on what little I had left in me. Final time: 31:20. A two minute improvement from last year, though the sub-thirty minute time will have to wait until 3L.
I smiled still. I recovered quickly in the following days. I’m unsure what will change between now and next year’s 5k. But I know for a fact it will not be the last one I attempt. Each year, I’ve grown with this event. While I won’t always set a personal best, dedicating myself to change and growth is the best gift I have given myself since beginning law school. It is uncomfortable some days. Most days, building strength is a quiet process. There is a quiet peace. One day, you get up and all the work adds up.
I’m curious how all of this will add up next year. Only one way to find out. Keep living. Keep running. Keep going.
Catherine Beveridge is a second-year student at BC Law. Contact her at beverid@bc.edu.
BC Law: Impact 