An intriguing opportunity landed in my inbox on an otherwise unremarkable summer day: an all-expenses paid retreat at BC’s Connors Center in Dover, Massachusetts, one that promised a reprieve from the travails of law school and an introduction to the Jesuit precepts which drive the institution’s educational mission. It sounded interesting, so I took the plunge and signed up.

With an upbringing where religion was largely absent, I came to the event with an open mind and a strong sense of curiosity. Growing up in an environment where many of my peers had relationships with spiritual institutions always left me perplexed at the margins. Whether they complained about the rigidity of their Church’s traditions and scripture or took the Gospel as truth, it always fascinated me how complicated a relationship people can have with God.

Of course, anyone acting with a degree of self awareness is conscious of the arbitrariness of their existence. We are cosmically confined, set in perpetual motion from an unknowable event that long preceded us and placed here by our ancestors, who were caught up in the same predicament. It’s hardly surprising that most of us are left questioning why we are here and how we should conduct our lives.

It was a thirty minute drive out to the Connors Center, a tranquil oasis surrounded by lush light forestry. We arrived fashionably late due to a flat tire, but were warmly welcomed with a large group formation in the Charles River Meeting Room. There, we were introduced to the first of three major questions posed by Father Michael Himes:

What brings you joy?

I found the answer to this question elusive, as the context in which it is posed forces you to consider the meaning of joy at a deeper level than if it were taken at face value. Joy is not an extra scoop of ice cream, a relaxing massage, or a tasty cocktail; it is a feeling of deep satisfaction with one’s actions, and with one’s place in the world.

As opposed to happiness, which is based on immediate feelings and desires, joy is about finding what leads to spiritual and intellectual satisfaction. For many, joy can be found in fostering communities and connections, forming a deeper understanding of the people around them. That could mean vulnerable conversations, completing activities together, or celebrating life milestones.  

In the same vein, many others find joy in being proficient in their careers, providing a vital service, or being a helping hand for those in need. In this respect, joy can be a source of vocation, a calling to answer a question, fulfill a mission, or perform a role. Joy is not the absence of pain and suffering, it is the source of a drive which pushes past pain and suffering. It is to draw the bigger picture, whether that is to mentor future lawyers, to become a competent and generous attorney, or to simply bless those who will come after me and gratify those who came before me.

What are you good at?

This question is best answered by your closest friends, colleagues, and associates, rather than by yourself. Indeed, the purpose of this question is to foster a humble and open environment so that friends and family can openly express what someone is good at (or not so good at).  

Whether we minimize our talents because we have grown used to our abilities and find their effects mundane or we exaggerate our proficiency to comport with our wishful thoughts, our beliefs can be the enemy of objectivity. Because ego often tints our self-perception, the ability to have objective feedback from a trusted friend can help in discerning our role in the world.

Who does the world need you to be?

This question, like the last one, also requires listening to others and a high level of openness.  Instead of asking about yourself, it requires you to ask others, “What do you need?” And after listening to their response with a receptive mind, you must now ask yourself if you have the capability and courage to respond to those needs.

The answer to this question might be the most instructive in discerning one’s vocation as it encapsulates the Christian concept of agape, described as the “highest form of love” that manifests as giving one’s self to the other. There is a deep and abiding will and duty to be a benefit to those around you. It is the very essence of where our joy lies when we find our vocation fulfilling.

When we ruminate on our answers to these questions, we can find clarity in our purpose. We can contemplate what ignites our passion, what activities we actually are good at, and what needs in the world exist that our talents can be applied to. 

There is a mandate at the bottom of all these ideas, which is the requirement to be conscientious about one’s life–to approach our lives thoughtfully and to frequently reflect on our actions. In Jesuit tradition, it is common to undergo a daily Ignatian Examen. The Examen involves expressing one’s gratitude to God while also examining the happenings of the day, and recalling what events stuck out. Free from the fleeting emotions that consume and influence us in a workday, we can now objectively appraise our conduct, praise our good deeds, and prompt ourselves to be better tomorrow.

While I cannot go into the details about the specific discussions at the retreat, I can say that I noticed a greater feeling of engagement with others. People were much less interested in their phones and much more interested in those around them. It appears that the notion of “living for the other” left an impression, at least temporarily, reinvigorating the purpose of communication: to understand one another, to seek similarity and community, and ultimately to discern one’s place in other people’s lives and in the world itself. 

For me, these sorts of reflections are extremely beneficial. They are a necessary reminder that I have many duties to this world; to be a dutiful son, a compassionate friend, a loving partner, and a respected representative of my profession.  

While we may come into law school imagining ourselves to be up-and-coming attorneys bound to make money hand over fist, commanding the respect and all the notoriety that attends the profession, our personal legacy is reflected in how our actions are received by others.

When we are all laid to our final rest, what will be spoken about is not what school we attended, firm we worked for, or how many things we owned. It will be about how we made others feel, how we came to them in their time of need and responded with integrity and empathy. When we conceive the goal of humanity as self-gift, we finally gain clarity of our place in the world. We now can understand why our ancestors chose to give their lives to construct the world we live in today, why we intuit that intrinsic wholesome feeling when we do something nice for nothing in return, and how our existence is not arbitrary, but truly meaningful.

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Alex Mostaghimi is a first-year student at BC Law and brand new Impact blogger. Contact him at mostagha@bc.edu.